My grandmother left a huge hole when she passed away on Good Friday. I think about her EVERY day. Several times a day. All day long, she is in my thoughts.
The nights are the hardest. I have a hard time falling asleep, and the thoughts really flood and invade when it's dark and I'm alone with them. I think about her life...and replay her death. Memories, her voice, her laugh, her face. My chest gets tight as I try not to cry. Falling asleep is near impossible. She's in a lot of my dreams because she's on my mind so much...which is not a good thing like you may think. Because my dreams are really messed up. And the grandma in my dreams is not really my grandma.
It hurts SO much. As I cried through Easter weekend, everyone kept telling me, "It gets easier...don't worry." Yeah, well, that's CRAP. The longer she's dead, the MORE I miss her. The more Madison grows, the more I hate that she won't know her great grandma.
It's not going to get easier for me. She was so important to me. The pain will never subside. I *MAY* start to get used to the pain being there, but it will always be there. The hole in my heart is suffocating.
I want to be just like my grandma. But I wasn't done taking notes, and I am no where near like her yet.
I love you, Grandma.
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No honey, the pain does not get easier. Like you said, you just get used to it being there. almost 8 years later and I still feel the ache from when mine left.
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