Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I have ever attempted to do. The act itself is really hard - sore (excruciatingly sometimes) nipples, engorgement, yeast (thrush), mastitis, blocked ducts, stressing over supply issues, pumping, concerns/stress of whether or not baby is getting enough, etc. (Yes, I have experienced all of these.) Everything you read about and see before you try breastfeeding makes it seem like this easy, beautiful thing, where the baby latches right on and you sit on a cloud in peace cuddling together. There have been times when my nipples hurt so badly, I just sit and wince nearly in tears while she is nursing because of the pain!

But I think the thing that really makes it so hard is that it is a completely selfless act. It requires extreme selflessness.

For example: I sacrifice countless hours of sleep each day/night because I am breastfeeding. I sacrifice many foods that don't sit well with M because I am breastfeeding. I sacrifice any drug other than Tylenol because I am breastfeeding. I sacrifice sleeping on my stomach comfortably (my fave position) because I am breastfeeding. I sacrifice drinking alcohol because I am breastfeeding. I sacrifice MANY plans because I am breastfeeding. I still drink a little bit of caffeine but I sacrifice how much caffeine I would like to have and when (I haven't had a Mtn Dew in forever!). See what I mean?

But it means so much to me to do this for her. I love that my daughter is nearly 12 weeks old, and she is completely and solely sustained by MY body. Granted, I give all of the glory to God. I am in awe of the way he is using me. I try to thank Him for every drop. There's nothing wrong with formula, I know... But this is GOD-made! If I have the choice of giving her a God-made recipe or man-made, I choose God-made, hands-down! To me, it's like God is lovingly feeding my daughter (by giving me the supply) and using ME to do it. I am so humbled by that; that He thought me worthy of such a responsibility.

Of all of my accomplishments, breastfeeding is probably the one I am most proud of. I am not one of those boob nazis, that will preach about the bonding and all of that, but I am so glad I have perservered when I was ready to give up (several times!).

A few days ago for the first time, while nursing, M stopped mid-boob, looked up at me, and smiled. HOW FLIPPIN' AWESOME IS THAT??? That right there alone made the last couple of agonizing months worth it to me. I can't wait for more moments like that. :)